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Sono considerati uno dei gruppi pi. Get all the latest news on current and future cars, auto shows, tuning industry, reviews, offbeat stories, tech, classics, and much more at Carscoops. Sewing for Women and Children Tutorials Pattern Reviews. Welcome to week two of our study together This week, were talking about God who He is, how we know, and how we respond to Him as His creation. Genesis Blogspot LayoutsDear Query. Shark Princess Allisane Kent is done struggling to earn the respect of her uncle, the King of led. Shes spent years training on her winged horse, yet still the King bars her from his council, preferring the advice of his spineless lordseven as a powerful empire hunts the winged horses vital to leds survival. Allisanes people lost their fire magic generations ago, a secret theyve kept from the winged men of Voluce. Taming the winged horses is their only protection. When Volucians massacre a wild herd on led land, Allisane forces her way into the Kings council, determined to keep her horse safe and prove she can lead. Jeeze, is everything winged here Also, whats the connecting between training on her winged horse and giving advice I dont see the connection intuitively. I dont understand why losing their fire magic is important. I dont understand why the winged horses are their only protection. Genesis Blogspot Printable Coupons' title='Genesis Blogspot Printable Coupons' />Captain Damien Ardeo struggles to earn respect as the only common born officer in the Volucian military. His people rule the skies with their wings and the land through their huge numbers. Genesis Blogspot TemplateThey only fear leds control of firebut not for much longer. Damiens glory obsessed commanders hurtle the empire towards war, intent on exterminating leds winged horses and driving out the fire wielders. Damien pushes his officers to stop the killings, but the bloody nobles dont give a damn. Their homes wont burn if led retaliates. Their families wont suffer. His will. Thats an awkward use of hurtle. Generally objects hurtle, you dont hurtle the object. Una piccola perla per tutti voi utenti che hanno seguito il primo episodio di SAO II Le due bambine sono un cameo di personaggi che non possono pi esistere nel. Hurl the object yes indeed, and many an arrow has hurtled across my desk toward an unwary minion, having been hurled by me. However. I suggest you reverse the two paragraphs. The one with Damien sets up the fireno fire thing much better. Captain Damien Ardeo struggles to earn respect as the only common born. Volucian military. His people rule the skies with their. They only fear leds. Damiens glory obsessed. Damien pushes his. Their homes wont burn if led retaliates. Their families wont suffer. His will. Princess Allisane Kent is done struggling to earn the respect of her. King of led. Shes spent years training on her winged horse. King bars her from his council, preferring the advice of. Allisanes people lost their fire magic. Voluce. Taming the winged horses is their only protection. When Volucians. massacre a wild herd on led land, Allisane forces her way into the. Kings council, determined to keep her horse safe and prove she can. Simply turning the paragraphs around makes me understand almost everything I didnt get after only reading about Princess Allisane. You can now take out all the stuffe about Voluce in this paragraph because we know about it already and polish up the other things like the connection between training on winged horses and advice givingWhen zealous Volucian soldiers attack Princess Allisane during her training, tensions ignite into war. Damiens commanders order his division to invade leds capital and eliminate the remaining winged horses. Following orders means killing innocentsand keeping his family safe from leds fiery retribution. But Allisanes not about to let anyone hurt her horse or threaten her people, even if it takes defying the king and leading troops against the Volucians herself. This paragraph doesnt contribute much. ASCEND is an adult high fantasy that should appeal to readers of Brandon Sanderson and V. E. Schwab. It is complete at 1. Thank you for your time and consideration. Reverse the paragraph order, pare down what will now be the second paragraph, and move the plot forward in the third paragraph. Revise, resend.  Questions. No critiques from agentssave your Royal SharknessAgent critiques. The critiques were from freelance. SFF agents. Yea, in other words, nobody whos actually making the decision of yes or no on a query. Valuable sure, but not binding. Look around for those agent queries. Usmle Step 1 Home Study Program. I know theyre out there. I see them on Twitter all the time. Word CountBecause. I found conflicting info on SFF word count, I contacted a handful of. SFF agents through Twitter a year ago and asked what they considered the. WC sweet spot. Almost all echoed the Writers Digest recommendation. SFF. Id love to take it higher, but several agents said. Is 1. 15k high enough to escape a too low. Its all in the writing. I find that historical novels and fantasy novels simply need to be bigger to feel big enough. Its really easy for agents to say no 1. K is too high but honestly weve all sold things with that kind of word count. They just need to be the RIGHT 1. K words.   A lot of times, 1. K is a signal of flabby writing. Those 1. 20. K need to be just as taut and lean as a 6. INITIAL QUERY Questions. I know log lines. I cut that. first paragraph, readers are confused about the setting. Since the. conflict revolves around a setting of rival nations, I cannot figure out. I have had 8 professional query critiques. Every single one. At this point, I feel like the old man trying to. Please chomp. on it. Dear Query. Shark Princess. Allisane Kent and Captain Damien Ardeo will sacrifice everything to. Unfortunately, theyre on opposite sides, and the. Voluce is disintegrating. This. isnt a log line. A log line synthesizes a story by using recognizable. Jaws In Space Heathers meets The Shining. Die Hard meets The Berenstain Bears and Mamas New Job. Its a tool. Its worse than useless in a. Start with the story. I dont know who the hell can be. Not Earth. What the. Its SF. Run with it. Allisane. struggles to earn the respect of her uncle, the King of led. As a Wind. Rider, she trains in combat on her personal winged horse, and any lord. Her peoples ability to control light and. Training the wild, winged horses is their. Volucians. Did the power to control light and fire vanish or was it lost That seems to me to be a pretty important distinction. Words are your tools here, and you want to use them with precision. Damien. is common born, struggling to earn the respect of his high born. His people fear leds control of fire, and every. Voluces very existence. He should. follow orders and slaughter the tamed horses if his conscience can. Wait. wait wait.   I read in your first paragraph that the AEleds ability to. Damiens. people fear AEleds control of fire  This seems contradictory. Contradictory confuses me. I dont like to be confused in a query. And how exactly is it that he has tamed horses if all they do is kill them In other words, youve confused me here, and thats not a good thing. When overzealous Volucian. Allisane, mistrust ignites into war. Her kingdom under. Allisane must choose between saving her. When following orders sparks a war, Damien. Princess caught in the fray. And. now Im just totally lost. How can be soldiers be overzealous if. You have Damien flying to war in the. And how is he flying if hes killing all the winged horses Right here is where Id stop reading and send a form rejection. If I cant follow the query, I dont assume Im stupid. I assume the query isnt well organized, and from that conclude the book is probably a mess as well. That may not be fair, or even accurate, but it is the truth. Use that to your advantage when revising. Remember you can NOT skip ahead chronologically in a query letter. What happens in paragraph two should precede what happens in paragraph three. Queries are too short for any fancy back and forth timing.